02/22/24 Daily Thoughts

   Today, I noticed a negative affect of the meditation practices I've been doing. It's the dissociation. When the level of stress we're getting is too extreme or a memory of a such experience gets triggered, we might separate our senses from the reality to protect ourselves, and that's called dissociating. It's a common coping mechanism for people with PTSD, and I'm one of them. Through the meditation practices, I wouldn't say I've achieved the inner peace or the mindfulness yet, but I've surely felt them few times. The states of mind I've had during the practice are so comforting that I would love to live with them, but I still have a far way to go. And that's where the problem came from. While I cannot simply  enter the peaceful state on my command, my mind discovered that the dissociation actually can feel similar and started to use it more.

  I've been doing a research on this, and I found out that it's a common issue. Apparently  some people even confuse the dissociation with the mindfulness, and I can see why even though I can tell the difference. I'm also curious what triggered it for me today. It might be the stress I've been getting from my mother who find it extremely hard to respect my boundary for some reason but believes it must be easy for me to follow her rules. I even had a nightmare about her. 😿