02/24/24 Daily Thought

   I started the day with a series of PTSD oriented nightmares. Most people I think don't know how bad a nightmare can be when it's related to PTSD. For me, I get thrown back to the time when I was still in the army, and the nightmare(or the vision) gets way too real that the reality starts to feel like a dream(or the dream feels just as real as the reality). I must be either getting muscle twitches on my bed or constantly getting a hallucination of myself being on the bed while I'm actually in the army, and there's not much I can do anyways when I don't know which one is real. And the fear slowly eats me up. Whether I have no control over that I'm hallucinating or I'm having a nightmare that nobody around me would even understand, it's terrifying.

  When I finally woke up enough to get the sense of reality back, I immediately went out to feel the reality, to connect with it again. I told my mom what happened, but as I expected, she started to make jokes casually and told me 'Yeah, a nightmare sometimes can be really bad. 😆'. I tried my best to describe how it wasn't like a normal nightmare, she just couldn't stop joking around and teasing me. This is the problem of not being suicidal or frequently harming myself physically. People do not see how severe my issues can be. They do not even try to. I get that I can't expect neurotypicals to know what my experiences with mental issues are like, but I've proven enough that I'm not a stupid, scared 7yo kid who would literally start a day crying just because of some silly nightmares. How much do I have to do more to get people to understand that? How much do I have to try more?